What is Enough?

Today is one of those days.  You see, no matter how hard I try, I simply can't be enough.  I can't do enough.  I can't be the mom I need to be, the wife I need to be, the homeschooler I need to be, the housekeeper I need to be...I simply can't do it.  I can't do it.  I feel like I'm being pulled in 3 directions at once.  Well, being honest, today I am literally being pulled in 3 directions because all 3 kids need me & I can't teach them all at once.  I can't feed them all at once.  I can't do all 3 of them and my laundry and my dishes and the pre surgical registration call and the doctors call about a nose that's swollen prior to surgery and all the other things consuming me.  Today is just one of those days, where I am calmer than I should be.  I say that because despite all the stress I am feeling, all the anxiety of my failures mounting up inside, I haven't yelled a single time.  I haven't told anyone to go away or how disappointed they are making me.  No actually, I've been really patient, really calm.  And sometimes when I get  like this, I'm not sure if it scares my kids or makes them feel better. I say that with a  little smile because Kolby actually asked me where his mommy was today.  Then I type it out & I type with a little tear because that means I'm really not the mommy I want to be.  See I want to be this mommy, the calm mommy even when things get tough.  I'm not usually this mommy.  I'm usually the psycho mommy who is yelling & angry.  But not today, today I am the calm mommy & that is something I need to stop and praise God for.  See I often forget that in these moments I can't be enough, never, no matter how hard I try.  I forget and so I forget to teach my children that they can't ever be enough on their own.  We need a Jesus.  We need his help in every aspect of our life.  We need his grace and  his patience and his love.  We simply need HIM to help us so that we might be our best so that we might bring Him glory in all we do.  See today is that kind of day where I lived intentionally ( no I don't always live this way, but I am getting better at it) and I woke up extra early.  I made my bed, put the laundry in and got a cup of coffee and did my bible before my day began.  I prayed for a good day, I prayed that while I don't always understand this very difficult road of homeschooling I have faith that it's where we belong and so I will trust in God to keep his promises and I prayed that He give me the strength that I needed to get through today.  And I did bible with Emily & I taught her what I know so that one day she may teach her children what she knows.  And I made sure the boys did their bible, but I also made sure they knew what they were reading.  I lived intentionally so that when my day got rough, I would have already started out with peace in my heart knowing that today I was not alone.  I started my journey with homeschooling out on the right foot because God was leading my journey.  When I needed help I turned to him.  At some point it got easier to turn to the friend I was surrounded by and they did a good helping me.  But, only God should be leading this journey.  Only God can help me when the storm is tossing me all around.  Only God can be enough for me & make me enough through him to do this journey the way I want to.  So on a day like today, when I'm living intentionally, I get on my knees and I get low to the ground and I beg God for his mercy and his strength because I am too weak & I can never be enough without him.  So what is enough?  God and his grace is enough.  If never again I receive the answer to a prayer that I've requested and I am meant to spend the rest of my days suffering then let God and his grace will be enough to sustain me.