So somethings change for the better, like learning to live content in this season of my life. Like a growing faith & relationship with my Lord and Savior. Like realizing that I was not intended to be perfect so any expectation on my part of perfection was simply setting myself up for failure. Like learning that I have to stop & be thankful so much than I have been in the past. Learning to lead my children to the Lord & watching their faith grow & develop. Learning what being a mother, wife, and friend is really all about. Really learning that while I know much there is always more to learn. Yes, somethings change for the better.
Somethings stay the same. Like yesterday when we went to The Children's Museum with the kids & my in laws. Logan who lately seems to be like any other normal 8 year old boy with some qwirks never really changes. At times he seems to have changed or maybe its just that I am so use to him. Either way, yesterday was a reminder of life with a special needs child. So often we hear from friends or family how he just seems so normal & how they can't imagine that something is actually wrong with him. Maybe the doctors are wrong. It hurts, but you get use to people being insensitive & to these types of comments realizing that they don't mean harm (well some do, but you really ignore those). It's nice to know that all of our hard work & Logan's hard work at therapy has paid off & that for the most part he's just a little odd to the outside world. Then a day like yesterday happens & I suddenly am reminded just how "special" Logan really is. A day like yesterday happens & I wish I had a recorder so that I could replay the day, well really 1 1/2 hours that he lasted, for everyone to see. I wish I could shout at them & say "Really...does this resemble normal? Am I really making it all up??" Instead I shook my head & I made it through that hour and half. I kept my cool when everyone around us was not thinking cool was the thing to be. I kept control of my very over stimulated, unaware child. I removed him when the time came that he couldn't control even a finger of himself anymore. I handled his siblings that didn't understand why we had to leave just because Logan was having an issue. I handled it so well, that we avoided Kolby's tears & even a little understanding on his part when he told Logan "Well, maybe next time you won't be so crazy Buddy" I handled the situation that was presented before me so that everyone that was with us stayed calm & didn't lose their cool. And while Eric was letting the boys around the waterfront park, I even took a deep breath & thought "Yep, God gives children like Logan to really special moms because kids like Logan really need a mom like me" It wasn't the same pitty party I would normal have. Nope it wasn't like that at all. I even managed to walk back inside & ask if they ever have sensory friendly times for kids who maybe a little extra sensitive. I looked at the situation, realized that I could ask Why Me? or I could just accept that God knows what he's doing. Logan is mine to help me grow just as much as I am suppose to help him grow. I now realize that while somethings like Logan can't change our attitudes can change for the better. Logan is hardwired that way & he's always going to have really challenging moments. We on the other hand aren't hardwired to see negative, we can choose to see God's grace & blessings in all things around us. The bottom line is that although he is challenging, super challenging at times, he is ours to love & care for. He is a blessing to our family, one that we will all be the better for having. He's also going to teach Eric & I so much about ourselves. Kolby & Emily are going to grow to be so awesome & understanding of others because they love their brother & they will learn to understand his struggles. They will be sad with him when he struggles, but they will celebrate with him when he succeeds as only his siblings can. After all, aren't they really a part of him just as much as he is a part of them. We are a family & while somethings can't change, somethings can and hopefully for the better. Happy 2012, here's to a new year & new adventures.
