You can't help but smile & laugh when you listen in from another room as your young children converse with each other. At this moment in our life Emily talking to her brothers is often the source of the majority of the laughter for all of us. Eric & I were lucky enough the other day to hear her talking to Kolby. She was standing in her bedroom door way leaning against the side just enough to peak into Kolby's room. She had already been instructed to stay out of his room because he has the Chicken Pox. This is the conversation that followed:
Emily: hey Kolby what are you doing
Kolby: Playing with my Legos
Emily: Oh...you still have those things
Kolby: What things
Emily: You know those things
Kolby: WHAT THINGS
Emily: Kolby the chicken monks
Kolby: {uncontrollable laughter}
Eric & I started laughing simultaneously. Really...chicken monks?!? Needless to say the Chicken Pox have been renamed in our house to chicken monks & at least a little humor has been brought to a not so humorous situation.
As for now Kolby is still feeling fine, he' not too itchy & he hasn't had fever. I'm still pretty convinced that they are "chicken monks" & luckily we have only seen a few more come out. Hopefully we will get lucky & because he was vaccinated 2x this will be as bad as it gets & he can go back to school early next week. I think the worst part is that he waited to have his birthday party until after school started so that he could invite some friends from school. Well the party was this weekend & of course we had no choice but to cancel it. He is totally bummed, but when he finds out that Eric is bringing home Avengers to watch I think he will be super, super excited :)
9.07.2012
9.03.2012
Some days are just like that, even in Australia
It never has surprised me that one of Logan's most favorite books is Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. I mean he can so totally relate to Alexander & how some days nothing seems to go right. For Logan, yesterday was one of those days. It was just really a TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY! It was a day that tore at him & left him so sad, so confused, & so anxious that he had a hard time even playing. It was a day that tore my heart right out of my chest. It was the kind of day that you would give anything to make it better for your child & and no matter what you say or what you do it's not going to get better. It was the kind of day that we have been having more & more of lately. I don't often talk about it with people outside of my very close circle of support because I don't want the judgement or the opinions that come with it. I don't talk about it because honestly I don't feel it's anyone's business what goes on in our house or with our family. But the fact is that last night while I was laying in my bed long after midnight I was thinking of the words that I could use to blog about the day. Usually when I am laying in bed & my head is typing a blog it's God putting the words on my heart. It's God saying you need to share this because it's important. So while I don't usually share these types of days, I feel compelled to share. I'll leave it up to God to handle the judgement & opinions...he obviously felt it was worth it.
Yesterday started with us picking up the boys for church. It was their first time going to Grace Family Church, which they loved by the way. I thought Logan would be overwhelmed by all the people and the way kids church was ran, but he came out begging to go back & said he loved it..."even the really loud music mom" Maybe in the grand scheme of things he was a little overwhelmed & I just didn't pick up on it. We went back to my mom's house & the boys were playing for a bit. Finally my sister & Justin arrived and the kids were so excited to see them (because of course they hadn't seen them in like a whole 18 hours). The boys went outside to play with Justin, my dad, & Eric. Well here's where the anxiety kicked in & from this point forward the day was just painful for anyone who was watching. My parents back yard is flooded about 1/2 of the way to the deck, so if you know the back yard that's a pretty good amount of playing area. The water isn't super deep but it is swamp water from the forest and it's murky. Diesel, my parents dog, started running through the water & the boys were laughing & having a good time. Logan threw the ball at Eric who threw the ball back at Logan who ducked and the ball landed in the water. Oh my, end of the world one. Logan comes inside crying, I mean sobbing hysterically like he's hurt or something. He can't understand why Eric threw the ball in the water. I try to explain that Eric didn't do this on purpose. Logan doesn't get it. Come to find out, the other guys laughed at the whole thing which made Logan even more embarrassed that his ball was in the water. Let's be real here, it's funny. Plain & simple...the guys are playing, ball goes in water, any other kid goes into the water and grabs the ball & keeps playing. Heck, any other kid might just laugh too! Well not Logan because he doesn't get what's funny & he doesn't get that they are laughing with him. He is 100% sure that they are laughing at him. I let him cry it out, sometimes that's all I can do. I try to explain again, but it's just making things worse. I hug him, hold him, love him, he runs away into the other room. Maybe 10minutes later he comes out ready to go back outside to play. The problem is that now we all understand that he's on edge & to say that we should walk on eggshells to prevent the next episode is an understatement. And in reality you can't always walk on eggshells because that's not how life goes when you are a bunch of guys playing around & we aren't doing Logan any favors when we do walk on eggshells. He has to learn to read these cues, to understand that people laugh with you & not at you when they are your friends. It's okay to joke around that's how guys hang out & communicate. I always think it must be extra hard to be Logan because he just doesn't get how guys do things & he's growing into a guy. To make the long day shorter for you let me give you the brief overview. The crying, sobbing, hysterical fits got more often & all of us could sense his great pain & frustration. He couldn't calm himself down, but he didn't want to stop playing so he would stop crying, return to playing & return to crying. The anxiety built up so much that Logan decided that my dad was trying to throw him in the water so he wouldn't leave the deck. We tried to explain that it was okay. My dad showed Logan how he would "pretend" to throw him in the water by swinging Kolby over the water. This freaked Logan out so much & he started shaking & crying all over again. When I explained that it was okay, they were just joking around Logan looked at me & as seriously as he could through all his tears said "it's not funny at all, what if his hands slip and he drops him?" I told him it was okay, I mean that's all I can do as a parent. I can reassure him over & over & over & over again that it's OKAY! The hard part is that he just doesn't get it. He finally calmed down a bit, went downstairs to wash his feet & thought he would squirt my dad with water. My dad played back & acted all mad. It was obvious that he was playing around with Logan, but Logan didn't understand. He freaked out & his anxiety hit it's peak. He was screaming & crying & shaking & running from my dad. Logan went and hid in the trailer & was just shaking there. Eric finally went down & got him. We got Logan in the shower & he calmed down a bit. The shower, oh how it is a magical calm down place for Logan. He was so over done that he couldn't go to sleep. His eyes were bright red, he read a whole book & finally sometime after midnight he fell asleep. I'm sure that I fell asleep much later than him as I laid in bed & recounted our day.
The hard part is that for so long now Logan has just seemed so normal. I mean we know that he's ASD & we accept that, but for a while it's been hard to convince others that it's the right diagnosis. I know that we have always been told that the older he got the harder social things would be for him. I always felt like school was our biggest issue so once we started doing well there...well I guess I thought we were kind of out of the rough patch. I've spent a good portion of the summer in denial about Logan & the changes that I was seeing. He has become super OCD about certain things again & following rules has once again become an overwhelming issue. Hahaha....how many parents complain because their child has an overwhelming issue with the rules...I mean he follows them to a tee & there is no bending them a bit, including anyone who actually lives in the world. Routine & transition are becoming issues again. Not to the extent that we have seen in the past, but you can tell his anxiety level rise whenever something new or out of the norm occurs. Meltdowns are on the rise & this time around they are wherever we happen to be. For us this is a new issue. We didn't deal with public meltdowns last time around so this is a whole new ball game for me. Being that I have some rage issues myself it's really hard when Logan is melting down in public & people decide to stare or make comments. I have to keep my temper under control because if not I'm not teaching Logan the right thing. His meltdowns are also more violent than ever before & they are always geared towards me. While I am honored that he feels that safe with me to let it all out, I wish he had a different way of expressing his love for me! And finally I would have to be blind if I didn't notice just how hard social cues and situations are becoming for him. Sometimes I catch the look of confusion on his face & I can help him out without making it obvious. Sometimes it becomes too much too quickly & I can't save him from the situation. I try to explain things, but you have to be in a situation for the learning experience to occur. Sometimes that's just to late. The pain & frustration for Logan is inevitable. My heart being ripped out is inevitable. I hate this leaning process for all of us. I hate learning that I can't save him from what is going to become a very cruel world.
The good news is that we have made some major progress with Logan this summer. For as hard as it has been & for as hard as it is going to get, I can smile & know that my little guy has made some great growth this summer. He is getting more mature & learning to make better choices. He is learning that his number one choice will always be between his emotions controlling him or he controlling his emotions. He is learning to accept fault & apologize for his actions. He is learning to control his impulses & to be better organized. He has come off of another part of his ADHD meds & is doing awesome in school. Most of all he is learning that sometimes he has to ask for help. This is huge for Logan. It's his biggest accomplishment this summer. In my eyes it shows the biggest growth in maturity. We still have a way to go & I worry constantly about what the next couple of years will bring. I love my little guy & his heart is so darn big. It makes me cry to see him though because he's the type of kid that's going to get picked on & kids are going to bully him. I know the years ahead are going to be tough & I am just so thankful that he has found a good, strong group of friends. I hope that they will stick it out together & be there for each other when it gets tougher. I hope that Logan remembers that he is wonderfully made & on the path that the Lord has set for him. I pray he always remembers that Jesus is walking with him & that all he has to do is ask for help & strength & he will receive it. I pray that I am strong enough to get him through those years when a mommy can't fix everything and heart ache is so very painful. I hope that my love & the love of the Lord will always be enough for him.
It's hard being the mother of any child, but when your child is on the spectrum it doubles & sometimes triples in hardness. Sometimes when I hear people in the community say that verbal Autistic's & High Functioning Autistic's shouldn't be on the same spectrum I cringe. I get in arguments, but it's not worth it. My child may be verbal & he may be super High Functioning, but trust me that doesn't mean that he can communicate easily. It doesn't mean that every aspect of his life is on the high end of the spectrum. It doesn't mean that our life is easier than others. We all have struggles & all of our children have gifts & they all have challenges. It's never an easy road & I've understood that for a while now. I know our journey with Logan is just beginning & I wish I could say it was going to get easier. It's probably not, it's most likely going to have it's ups & downs & retraining & behavior modifications just like the past. I guess maybe that's why I shared our day with you, because I wanted you to understand what it's really about. Being on the spectrum isn't always what it seems & the children don't always look like what you expect. So next time someone tells you their child is on the spectrum offer compassion, offer friendship, offer a shoulder and remember Logan, what he seems like on a good day & what he can be like on an off day.
The good news is that we have made some major progress with Logan this summer. For as hard as it has been & for as hard as it is going to get, I can smile & know that my little guy has made some great growth this summer. He is getting more mature & learning to make better choices. He is learning that his number one choice will always be between his emotions controlling him or he controlling his emotions. He is learning to accept fault & apologize for his actions. He is learning to control his impulses & to be better organized. He has come off of another part of his ADHD meds & is doing awesome in school. Most of all he is learning that sometimes he has to ask for help. This is huge for Logan. It's his biggest accomplishment this summer. In my eyes it shows the biggest growth in maturity. We still have a way to go & I worry constantly about what the next couple of years will bring. I love my little guy & his heart is so darn big. It makes me cry to see him though because he's the type of kid that's going to get picked on & kids are going to bully him. I know the years ahead are going to be tough & I am just so thankful that he has found a good, strong group of friends. I hope that they will stick it out together & be there for each other when it gets tougher. I hope that Logan remembers that he is wonderfully made & on the path that the Lord has set for him. I pray he always remembers that Jesus is walking with him & that all he has to do is ask for help & strength & he will receive it. I pray that I am strong enough to get him through those years when a mommy can't fix everything and heart ache is so very painful. I hope that my love & the love of the Lord will always be enough for him.
It's hard being the mother of any child, but when your child is on the spectrum it doubles & sometimes triples in hardness. Sometimes when I hear people in the community say that verbal Autistic's & High Functioning Autistic's shouldn't be on the same spectrum I cringe. I get in arguments, but it's not worth it. My child may be verbal & he may be super High Functioning, but trust me that doesn't mean that he can communicate easily. It doesn't mean that every aspect of his life is on the high end of the spectrum. It doesn't mean that our life is easier than others. We all have struggles & all of our children have gifts & they all have challenges. It's never an easy road & I've understood that for a while now. I know our journey with Logan is just beginning & I wish I could say it was going to get easier. It's probably not, it's most likely going to have it's ups & downs & retraining & behavior modifications just like the past. I guess maybe that's why I shared our day with you, because I wanted you to understand what it's really about. Being on the spectrum isn't always what it seems & the children don't always look like what you expect. So next time someone tells you their child is on the spectrum offer compassion, offer friendship, offer a shoulder and remember Logan, what he seems like on a good day & what he can be like on an off day.
5.23.2012
The woman I want to be....
instead of the woman that I am is a very pressing issue in my life right now. It seems so odd to me that at 32 years old I am still struggling with who I am. I always thought that by now I would know who I was & would have made a strong statement about myself. Instead I find that at 32 I know who I want to be, I just struggle to get there. In my early 20's when I got married & had Logan I thought I knew who I wanted to be. I knew that I was strong & independent. I actually did make a pretty loud statement in my house about the woman that I was and intended to be. I'm actually really embarrassed by that woman & by the fact that I thought it was acceptable. I know more than once I stepped way out of line & hurt my husband to prove to him that I didn't really need him. I seldom acknowledged that I loved him dearly & that I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life. Looking back now, I don't understand how he stuck around. I was a stay at home mom who didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't grocery shop, didn't pay bills, didn't wash clothes or dishes and once my husband got home from work I didn't take care of the baby either. WOW...that's so embarrassing. By the time Kolby came along I might have started doing some of this stuff, but not much & not all the time. Besides that I was always stepping on my husbands toes & making sure he knew just where he was on my list...sadly it was not super high where he belonged. I was probably one of the worst wives ever. I wish I could say that our marriage didn't suffer, but that would be a lie. I mean honestly who wants to be treated that way & live that life? Life got rocky for me after my grandmother passed away & I saw this side to my loving husband that was so new and amazing to me. The year kept getting rockier for us as my oldest son started to have some real issues at school & at home. My mom was sick that summer & by the end of the year I was going through some major medical test not sure what the outcome would be. My husband was amazing & was so supportive. I realized I had this amazing new found love for him & I really wanted to be a better wife. I wanted to be the wife that he deserved. I started doing more things around the house & trying to be nicer to him. Overall it was a good attempt at being better, but I wasn't getting to where I wanted to be. I don't think that I even realized who I wanted to be because I felt like I would have to give up who I was to get there.
After a long journey that God has taken me on I have figured out that I want to be that Proverbs 31 Woman. I want to be her, I need to be her. I recently started reading a book called The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue At A Time by Courtney Joseph. I have always enjoyed reading Courtney's blog Women Living Well & it has really helped me realize the woman & wife that I want to be. Between her blog & now this book my eyes have been opened & I finally feel like I have an end to work towards in this journey of the woman I want to be.
Today the reading was about the trust that a husband has for his wife. In Proverbs 31:11 it says The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain (ESV) In the book Courtney says " A husband who has a wife who is solid emotionally and spiritually can rest on his wife's steady support." She goes on to ask if your husband can trust you in these areas:
1. Money - Can he depend on you to spend it wisely?
2. Children - Can he trust you to train your children wisely?
3. Home - Can he trust you to run an orderly home?
4. Reputation - Can he trust you to not speak poorly of him behind his back?
5. Faithfulness - Can your husband trust you to not build emotional connections with other men?
6. Emotions - Can your husband trust you to be self - controlled when under pressure?
7. Choices - Can your husband trust you to make wise choices when urgent situations arise?
I had to really sit & think about these questions. When we answer them for others we can say & possibly believe whatever we want. But when it's just you & God having the discussion there's no purpose in being anything other than truthful. I mean he already knows the truth...there's really no lying to God. So while some of these are very simple to answer, Yes my husband can trust me 100% there are others that I know need work. I know that I need to change & work harder on being more trustworthy. And while some of the things I need to work on I already pray about daily, some of the others I need to work on hadn't even crossed my mind. I think we all get stuck in this journey & if we aren't walking with the Lord & following his word then we get stuck until we ask for his help. I know I spent a lot of time this morning letting my guard down & asking for help. I desperately want to be this woman, I want to be this wife. I want to know that my husband has full trust for me in his heart & knows that he can rest on my solid support. And I cried out to the Lord to help me accomplish this. The good news is that I felt so much better & I know that God can change me & God can change my heart. He loves the impossible & he loves me. I am so ready for this journey & I am so ready for this transformation, regardless of how hard or painful it may be. And the even better news is that I know this journey I'm walking, I'm never walking it alone. How awesome is that?
I hope you have a Wonderful Wednesday & if you want to check out the blog that inspires me daily go ahead and click the link below.
After a long journey that God has taken me on I have figured out that I want to be that Proverbs 31 Woman. I want to be her, I need to be her. I recently started reading a book called The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue At A Time by Courtney Joseph. I have always enjoyed reading Courtney's blog Women Living Well & it has really helped me realize the woman & wife that I want to be. Between her blog & now this book my eyes have been opened & I finally feel like I have an end to work towards in this journey of the woman I want to be.
Today the reading was about the trust that a husband has for his wife. In Proverbs 31:11 it says The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain (ESV) In the book Courtney says " A husband who has a wife who is solid emotionally and spiritually can rest on his wife's steady support." She goes on to ask if your husband can trust you in these areas:
1. Money - Can he depend on you to spend it wisely?
2. Children - Can he trust you to train your children wisely?
3. Home - Can he trust you to run an orderly home?
4. Reputation - Can he trust you to not speak poorly of him behind his back?
5. Faithfulness - Can your husband trust you to not build emotional connections with other men?
6. Emotions - Can your husband trust you to be self - controlled when under pressure?
7. Choices - Can your husband trust you to make wise choices when urgent situations arise?
I had to really sit & think about these questions. When we answer them for others we can say & possibly believe whatever we want. But when it's just you & God having the discussion there's no purpose in being anything other than truthful. I mean he already knows the truth...there's really no lying to God. So while some of these are very simple to answer, Yes my husband can trust me 100% there are others that I know need work. I know that I need to change & work harder on being more trustworthy. And while some of the things I need to work on I already pray about daily, some of the others I need to work on hadn't even crossed my mind. I think we all get stuck in this journey & if we aren't walking with the Lord & following his word then we get stuck until we ask for his help. I know I spent a lot of time this morning letting my guard down & asking for help. I desperately want to be this woman, I want to be this wife. I want to know that my husband has full trust for me in his heart & knows that he can rest on my solid support. And I cried out to the Lord to help me accomplish this. The good news is that I felt so much better & I know that God can change me & God can change my heart. He loves the impossible & he loves me. I am so ready for this journey & I am so ready for this transformation, regardless of how hard or painful it may be. And the even better news is that I know this journey I'm walking, I'm never walking it alone. How awesome is that?
I hope you have a Wonderful Wednesday & if you want to check out the blog that inspires me daily go ahead and click the link below.
1.04.2012
Some things change, while others remain the same
So here it is 2012 & I neglected to write my Christmas blog or New Years blog. I meant to blog about the importance that Christmas held for me. I wanted to write this amazing blog recapping 2011 & all the major life changes that we had endured. I wanted to blog about this new found faith & how for the first time in my life I was sure of myself & God's plans for me although I don't have a clue what those plans might be. I wanted to blog about the amazing peace I have found, but as my title says...Some things change, while yet others remain the same. Well, this is one of those things that remain the same. The New Years came and has gone & I haven't had two minutes to sit down & write. Life happened as it always does. That's okay though, I'm not going to stress over it. I know it my heart what has happened this past year. I know the joys we have shared, I know the struggles we have endured. I know it all, it's etched in my heart & in my mind forever.
So somethings change for the better, like learning to live content in this season of my life. Like a growing faith & relationship with my Lord and Savior. Like realizing that I was not intended to be perfect so any expectation on my part of perfection was simply setting myself up for failure. Like learning that I have to stop & be thankful so much than I have been in the past. Learning to lead my children to the Lord & watching their faith grow & develop. Learning what being a mother, wife, and friend is really all about. Really learning that while I know much there is always more to learn. Yes, somethings change for the better.
Somethings stay the same. Like yesterday when we went to The Children's Museum with the kids & my in laws. Logan who lately seems to be like any other normal 8 year old boy with some qwirks never really changes. At times he seems to have changed or maybe its just that I am so use to him. Either way, yesterday was a reminder of life with a special needs child. So often we hear from friends or family how he just seems so normal & how they can't imagine that something is actually wrong with him. Maybe the doctors are wrong. It hurts, but you get use to people being insensitive & to these types of comments realizing that they don't mean harm (well some do, but you really ignore those). It's nice to know that all of our hard work & Logan's hard work at therapy has paid off & that for the most part he's just a little odd to the outside world. Then a day like yesterday happens & I suddenly am reminded just how "special" Logan really is. A day like yesterday happens & I wish I had a recorder so that I could replay the day, well really 1 1/2 hours that he lasted, for everyone to see. I wish I could shout at them & say "Really...does this resemble normal? Am I really making it all up??" Instead I shook my head & I made it through that hour and half. I kept my cool when everyone around us was not thinking cool was the thing to be. I kept control of my very over stimulated, unaware child. I removed him when the time came that he couldn't control even a finger of himself anymore. I handled his siblings that didn't understand why we had to leave just because Logan was having an issue. I handled it so well, that we avoided Kolby's tears & even a little understanding on his part when he told Logan "Well, maybe next time you won't be so crazy Buddy" I handled the situation that was presented before me so that everyone that was with us stayed calm & didn't lose their cool. And while Eric was letting the boys around the waterfront park, I even took a deep breath & thought "Yep, God gives children like Logan to really special moms because kids like Logan really need a mom like me" It wasn't the same pitty party I would normal have. Nope it wasn't like that at all. I even managed to walk back inside & ask if they ever have sensory friendly times for kids who maybe a little extra sensitive. I looked at the situation, realized that I could ask Why Me? or I could just accept that God knows what he's doing. Logan is mine to help me grow just as much as I am suppose to help him grow. I now realize that while somethings like Logan can't change our attitudes can change for the better. Logan is hardwired that way & he's always going to have really challenging moments. We on the other hand aren't hardwired to see negative, we can choose to see God's grace & blessings in all things around us. The bottom line is that although he is challenging, super challenging at times, he is ours to love & care for. He is a blessing to our family, one that we will all be the better for having. He's also going to teach Eric & I so much about ourselves. Kolby & Emily are going to grow to be so awesome & understanding of others because they love their brother & they will learn to understand his struggles. They will be sad with him when he struggles, but they will celebrate with him when he succeeds as only his siblings can. After all, aren't they really a part of him just as much as he is a part of them. We are a family & while somethings can't change, somethings can and hopefully for the better. Happy 2012, here's to a new year & new adventures.
So somethings change for the better, like learning to live content in this season of my life. Like a growing faith & relationship with my Lord and Savior. Like realizing that I was not intended to be perfect so any expectation on my part of perfection was simply setting myself up for failure. Like learning that I have to stop & be thankful so much than I have been in the past. Learning to lead my children to the Lord & watching their faith grow & develop. Learning what being a mother, wife, and friend is really all about. Really learning that while I know much there is always more to learn. Yes, somethings change for the better.
Somethings stay the same. Like yesterday when we went to The Children's Museum with the kids & my in laws. Logan who lately seems to be like any other normal 8 year old boy with some qwirks never really changes. At times he seems to have changed or maybe its just that I am so use to him. Either way, yesterday was a reminder of life with a special needs child. So often we hear from friends or family how he just seems so normal & how they can't imagine that something is actually wrong with him. Maybe the doctors are wrong. It hurts, but you get use to people being insensitive & to these types of comments realizing that they don't mean harm (well some do, but you really ignore those). It's nice to know that all of our hard work & Logan's hard work at therapy has paid off & that for the most part he's just a little odd to the outside world. Then a day like yesterday happens & I suddenly am reminded just how "special" Logan really is. A day like yesterday happens & I wish I had a recorder so that I could replay the day, well really 1 1/2 hours that he lasted, for everyone to see. I wish I could shout at them & say "Really...does this resemble normal? Am I really making it all up??" Instead I shook my head & I made it through that hour and half. I kept my cool when everyone around us was not thinking cool was the thing to be. I kept control of my very over stimulated, unaware child. I removed him when the time came that he couldn't control even a finger of himself anymore. I handled his siblings that didn't understand why we had to leave just because Logan was having an issue. I handled it so well, that we avoided Kolby's tears & even a little understanding on his part when he told Logan "Well, maybe next time you won't be so crazy Buddy" I handled the situation that was presented before me so that everyone that was with us stayed calm & didn't lose their cool. And while Eric was letting the boys around the waterfront park, I even took a deep breath & thought "Yep, God gives children like Logan to really special moms because kids like Logan really need a mom like me" It wasn't the same pitty party I would normal have. Nope it wasn't like that at all. I even managed to walk back inside & ask if they ever have sensory friendly times for kids who maybe a little extra sensitive. I looked at the situation, realized that I could ask Why Me? or I could just accept that God knows what he's doing. Logan is mine to help me grow just as much as I am suppose to help him grow. I now realize that while somethings like Logan can't change our attitudes can change for the better. Logan is hardwired that way & he's always going to have really challenging moments. We on the other hand aren't hardwired to see negative, we can choose to see God's grace & blessings in all things around us. The bottom line is that although he is challenging, super challenging at times, he is ours to love & care for. He is a blessing to our family, one that we will all be the better for having. He's also going to teach Eric & I so much about ourselves. Kolby & Emily are going to grow to be so awesome & understanding of others because they love their brother & they will learn to understand his struggles. They will be sad with him when he struggles, but they will celebrate with him when he succeeds as only his siblings can. After all, aren't they really a part of him just as much as he is a part of them. We are a family & while somethings can't change, somethings can and hopefully for the better. Happy 2012, here's to a new year & new adventures.
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